Category: Serendipity

#1395 theoldmortuary ponders.

On By theoldmortuary.designIn Serendipity, Words1 Comment

Yesterday I was seeking some quiet perfection at the Tennis Club. Quiet perfection was not available. The club was overrun by feral children and  some minor but sensible rules were being broken. But as I left, this beautiful Calla Arum Lily caught my eye.

On top of the feral children and minor rule breaking there had also been some mansplaining, which can irritate the tits off most women.

So not only was I not particularly relaxed but I was mentally very flat chested.

The day was not lost though, I discovered a new- to-me word.

In fact, as luck would have it, the father of some of the feral children had adopted a braggadocious tone when I remonstrated with one of the children who was climbing on the roof of the clubhouse.

” Oh don’t worry about that” he said braggadociously.

“They do far more dangerous things elsewhere”

Perfection

Perfection is not always what you seek but what is delivered to you.

I suspect my face may have not hidden all of my thoughts on his comment.

Moments later he offered me a cold slice of his left over Pizza.

I did not accept.

#1394 theoldmortuary ponders

On By theoldmortuary.designIn SerendipityLeave a comment

Another greige day and an early morning soaking for me and Lola.

Greige weather and chores/ domestic admin does not a wholly exciting day make.

A series of rearranged appointments gave me a schedule that a Kardashian might be proud of. Kardashians exist in the periphery of my knowledge base. I am sure they are many interesting things but High Maintenance Women would be #1 in my fact list about then.

Yesterday all my chores required me to be entirely present.

Mindful of my speed awareness course* last week I knew that only optimal time management could  enable me to be in the right place at the right time for the three time sensitive appointments of the day.

The first one was already on rocky ground after the early morning soaking which required a change of clothes.

*By identifying the cause of my speeding as squeezing too much into a day.

Let me be honest, a manicure, lung function tests and a haircut all within a 6 mile radius are not exactly the stuff of great jeopardy. But I really dislike being late or missing appointments.

I imagine a Kardashian might have a driver and a PA who could mitigate the rush involved with a cluster of appointments.

Mine just clustered, and until last week and a hundred pounds fine, I wouldn’t have worried over much.

As it happened all went like clockwork.

But I was somewhat late for the lung function test. 50 years late!

Digital record keeping and Digital native medical staff  have everything actually at their finger tips.

Analogue records are a little more archaic.

In asking who prescribed my Asthma inhaler you might expect a fairly swift response. But I was trawling the names of a lifetime of G.P’s.

The selection of timescale tick boxes also didn’t stretch to 50 years .

Most importantly though I didn’t speed to catch up.

But there is something in common with my asthma diagnosis and last weeks Speed awareness course. It was also 50 years since I have actually read the Highway code.

I have a bit of catching up to do. Within the speed limit of course.

Evening dog walk with Lola, no greige no deluge.

#1390 theoldmortuary ponders.

On By theoldmortuary.designIn SerendipityLeave a comment
Budleigh Salterton

Yesterday did not go to plan, our proposed destination was packed with holiday makers and festival goers squeezing the last moments out of the school Easter Holidays.

Luckily a chance conversation with a patient earlier in the week took us to a nearby beach that was much quieter.But also deeply surreal as the sea had turned the colour of red wine and was stormily bubbling like a cauldren. An earlier clifffall had turned the sea into a mass of red water with pink surf. If staring out to sea is mesmeric at the best of times then yesterday it was 10 times more spellbinding.

Nothing felt quite as it should. Funny how a colour change was quite so discombobulating. Especially when the sun was shining brightly.

It was however freezing. Even water like wine could not keep us long on the beach but even the Otter river estuary kept up the other worldliness. Particularly the remnants of old Lime Kilns tumbling into or being isolated by the flow of the river.

A most peculiar experience.

#1389 theoldmortuary ponders.

On By theoldmortuary.designIn Serendipity1 Comment

Parrot Tulips

Possibly the most bonkers tulips we have ever grown. A squirming and outrageous cousin to the prim creatures of my still life studies.

In a week where Spring has tentatively sprung these tulips have been slow to reveal their quirk.

But every phase has kept me interested. I realise these tulips would not be to everyone’s taste but I love their unpredictability and resilience. They have survived the wettest winter on record on Stonehouse Peninsular. They are slightly Rhubarbian in colour which also pleases me. In a fantasy planting scheme they could peek out through early rhubarb leaves.

Not in their current location however as the Parrot Tulips are growing in a prime spot on our street for larger dogs to wee on them. These are strictly look but don’t touch blooms.

A little bit of Spring Madness

#1388 theoldmortuary ponders

On By theoldmortuary.designIn Serendipity1 Comment
Speeding wheels.

The blog I should have written yesterday.  I have been an urban bad person, driving 24mph in a 20mph zone. Unknowingly until a brown letter dropped through my door. £100 fine and either mandatory attendance at a Speed Awareness Course or 2 points on my licence.

I accepted the course either on-line or in person. On-line bookings were not being accepted so I opted to attend a city hotel 5 miles away. The booking that appeared when I clicked Plymouth, was a remote golf club in Launceston, a small Cornish town more than an hour away.

And then the chicken story of yesterday got in the way. The ear worm of The Janner Song became my in car entertainment as I drove through miles of  beautiful Cornish Countryside in glorious sunshine.

West Country accents shift and change as the geography of Devon and Cornwall change.

As I sat in the front of the classroom I could easily pick up the distinctive Plymouth accent from quite a few course attenders who, like me had been relocated ” down Cornwall”

Every time a “Proper Job” Plymothian spoke my head played a few seconds of the Janner Song.

Well, in England’s South West is the

county that’s best,
       
full of rolling green hills and a coast
           
that’s been blessed.
     
And inside of the Sound lie the three
        
Plymouth towns,
     
where everyone’s known as a Janner.



Janners,   Janners,
               
down in Plymouth we’re all known as

Janners.


        
And our own footballteam Plymouth Argyle
 
supreme
             
are the finest this beautiful county has

seen.
     
Every player of every nationality,
                        
when they pull the green they’re all

Janners.



Janners,   Janners,
               
down in Plymouth we’re all known as

Janners.


So, there was our song, we didn’t keep you
    
too long,
              
now you all know just one word of

West-Country slang.
                         
And while there’s meat on me bones, I hope
     
I’ll always be known
    
as a typical Plymouth grown Janner.


Janners,    Janners,
              
down in Plymouth we’re all known as

Janners.


Janners,    Janners,
                
down in Plymouth we’re all known as

Janners.

The Janner Song by the Sensational Baret Brothers.

I blame the chickens.

There was an irony to attending a speed awareness course in deepest Cornwall when, for many of us, our misdeeds took place within Jannerland City Limits.

These were two of the roads I drove down to get home.

Not a chance of reoffending.

Cornwall Road on the South Bank of the Thames, London

#1385 theoldmortuary ponders.

On By theoldmortuary.designIn Easter, Serendipity, Spring1 Comment
In the Pink.

Easter weekend has been a mish mash of weather. Sometimes very greige other times bright. Storm force winds, heavy rain and other times bitterly cold bright sunshine. As people with no religious bones Easter still has traditions, some linked to Pagan times and others to Christian Traditions. Four days of doing what we fancy really.

A highlight was the sudden blooming of Cherry Trees in the city.

Sun setting through Cherry Trees

Another was some glorious rust and graffiti in bright sunlight.

The closest we got to eating Lamb was to visit a small local harbour called Mutton Cove.

Mutton Cove.

I have no idea when or how it got its name but I think it is safe to assume that Sheep were involved.

The first Ice Cream of the season was enjoyed in the comfort of our car.

Right now we are prepping for an Easter Egg hunt. Like all events this weekend, warm coats will be required.

#1384 theoldmortuary ponders

On By theoldmortuary.designIn 2026, Easter, SerendipityLeave a comment
Natural tulips  never hit a bum note.

Yesterday’s blog featuring a rant about plastic flowers, touched quite an International jangled nerve.

#1383 theoldmortuary ponders

So much tied up in overthinking for those of us who really dislike plastic flowers.

” Am I being snobby”

” They are the things of horrific thoughts”

” If they were put on my grave I would be turning in it for eternity”

I can only really take a deep dive into my own thoughts.

I am almost certainly judgemental and snobby about plastic flowers. While absolutely accepting that in some circumstances artificial plants have their place.

Instagram is responsible for a lot of grim plastic fakery.

My response to plastic flowers is somewhat physical . Seeing them, particularly, if they are faded or dusty gives me the shivers. In the same way chalk squeaked on a blackboard used to.

Love is a beautiful pebble.Dappled with shade.

Putting them on graves seems more disrespectful than nothing at all. A simple beautiful pebble* shows so much more thought.

Natural flowers are not a prickly subject.
  • And just like that another rant is born.  Whoever decided that painting pebbles with Acrylic paint was a sustainable and environmentally acceptable art form, especially for children. Adults should know better. Acrylic paint is plastic, yes it will wear off over time. But that paint has to go somewhere as a microplastic.
Pebble ‘painted’ by dappled shade.

Ranting over, I hope. Although that depends on how many more plastic flower haters there are out there this Easter, or indeed those who loathe a painted pebble.

Happy Easter

Chocolate eggs on the other hand are an entirely acceptable form of fakery. I am both snobby and shallow.

At long last I am active on Substack.

Link below.https://substack.com/profile/181071656-theoldmortuary-ponders/note/c-238477304?r=2zszs8

#1383 theoldmortuary ponders

On By theoldmortuary.designIn Easter, Serendipity1 Comment
Tranquility Bay on Good Friday.

As long as I can remember I have been fascinated by religious buildings and religious art. Never really the subject matter but the endeavour and embellishment. The colour palates and at times the curious juxtapositions of immense wealth and poverty just inches apart*. Our Easter Bob at Tranquility Bay was blessed by the greigiest day you could imagine.

Bobbers Bobbing on Good Friday

The conversation though was as colourful and wide ranging as ever. Dog harnesses to Kylie Minogues Nipple covers were touched on in some depth whilst clothes were fumbled on and hot drinks revived chilly women.

The day was certainly greige but the bobbing occasion was not so I borrowed the colours and drama of classical religious paintings to illustrate Tranquility Bay at Easter.

I used a variety of image manipulation Apps and a little bit of analogue Medical Imaging know-how to create our little swimming bay in Easter Colours,when in real life she was in a proper greige sulk.

A line of bobbers stretched out from shore to buoy.

Beyond this point is a rant, please feel free to leave the blog early if a rant might offend.

  • Plastic flowers in churches or indeed on graves are the Devils work. Especially the unnatural colour ones that always fade to a murky mauve colour and attract grubby dust. Nobody ever needs to be remembered by a plastic flower.

There is a point to my plastic flower rant and Tranquility Bay.

Lots of people have their ashes scattered here. Lots of friends and family like to overlook the bay, some like to toss flowers in the water all lovely things to do. But sometimes the Devil does his work in the hands of the foolish. Tossing plastic flowers in the sea is about as stupid as it gets.

Blogging and pondering with the occasional rant are deeply satisfying when I am forced to research. Today I learned the delightful phrase  ‘aesthetic lifespan’. Possibly the only joy a plastic flower has ever bought me.

I cannot wait to use that one in conversation…

My apologies, the inner bitch was out and proud this morning.

The Passion for Tranquility Bay

#1380 theoldmortuary ponders

On By theoldmortuary.designIn Serendipity3 Comments

Ancient statuary and accidental comedy, who knew they could be blogging partners.

We went on an Easter Egg hunt at a favourite National Trust Property. The formal gardens are often the location of themed events for children.

Our granddaughter has a cover-all word for all types of genitals . Mooeee

No matter what we are doing in the gardens she is always amused that Mercury managed to remember his hat but not his trousers. The sculpture is a copy of one in the Uffizzi, Florence.

My accidental trip to a Comedy Club last night featured a twenty minute monologue on the discomfort of a blind man attending an ultrasound examination on his Mooeee.

It was pretty funny for the whole audience, more so for me because I used to do ultrasound examinations on all sorts of Mooeees.  There were points when I laughed too hard, but how freeing to laugh about the absurdities of mooeee scanning without having to behave professionally. And to laugh in a room full of people laughing about the same absurdities was just lovely.

The comedian described the probe used as a small hand held device. It is actually called a small parts probe. Not something any gentleman was ever pleased to hear in a clinic!

What a great coincidence to see Mercury without his pants one day and then experience comedy about his exposed parts the next day.

A classic illustration of Mooeee for the blog.

P.s Mercury also seems to be looking at a microphone. Perhaps he was considering comedy as a career.