#1284 theoldmortuary ponders.

We have been growing climbers in our yard for about ten months.

Last year we missed the most dynamic part of the growing season so none of the climbers bloomed with anything more than the short lived flowers they arrived with. This year, the first where they have had almost a full year in our care they are all slow to get going. But first a climbing rose and now the Wisteria are putting out flowers. Just as the first rose bloomed its stalk became too weak and it was rescued to live a brief life in a shot glass. Yesterday the first wisteria bloom snapped off the plant and has been rescued into the kitchen, this time in a milk bottle.

A good excuse for some still life photography but hardly the Yarden of Eden we had imagined. The pollinators are not queuing up to buzz and pollen-up their bottoms any time soon in our yard. In contrast to our blooms the wooden bug hotel is terrifically successful brown, scurrying non-photographic things live a busy metropolitan life under and around our water butts. Worms live a happy terracotta life in our improvised composters, enjoying coffee grounds from around the world, tea bags and the occasional dog poo. If yardening were a sporting event our Mid-May results would look something like this.

Brown Things 6- 2 Pretty Things

The pretty things scoring a two because the roses have learned how to both bloom and hold their heads up.

Claire Austin rose and the sharp shadows of night in a city yard.

#1264 theoldmortuary ponders

Not exactly an Easter Egg but as close as we got. Fueled by this Bagel we tackled big jobs in the Yard. Both had the potential to be grim jobs but neither were too bad either.

But first a recipe for Easter.

Not for the squeamish. But the results are just like regular compost.

We use two rhubarb forcing pots to recycle coffee grounds, teabags and dog poos that are done in the yard. If such a thing can be described as a recipe then the recipe has served us well for the eleven years we have had Hugo and nine years of Lola. The method worked on the clay soils of South London, the excellent soil of an old mortuary in Cornwall and now on slightly raised beds in a city yard. The pots never smell and we use the compost for flowers and shrubs.

The process couldn’t be simpler and the compost is excellent.

Ingredients

Coffee Grounds

Tea bags

Egg Shells

Dog poo picked up with bamboo fibre toilet paper.

A handful of juicy worms from a friend’s compost heap.

Method

Place rhubarb forcer on soil ( Lid optional)

Randomly layer the ingredients as available. Worms just once.

Empty from below in the Spring wearing gloves and with a hand fork.

Pick through the compost to remove stuff that has not been turned into compost. The biggest culprit seems to be tea bag fabric  occasionally and friends who pick up their dogs poos with non compostable plastic bags.

I estimate that good compost is created in about a year with a three year cycle. Our pots seem to operate at about 2/3 full. We have two. When one is full to the brim we put the lid on and move to the other. The level drops surprisingly quickly.

In the Spring I harvest about 2/3 of each pot of compost from below and leave the top third to drop to the bottom when I stand the forcer back up. I always return a lot of worms to the top after I have done this.

We have moved house 3 times in 11 years there has never been a problem just bagging up and disposing of the small amounts of uncomposted matter at the top of the forcers.

Goodness knows why I felt the need to share this recipe. Except that we watched an Easter Special cookery programme that featured a ‘ What to do with left over Easter eggs’

Not in this house.

No programme ever features ‘ What to do with your left over dog shit’

@theoldmortuary USP perhaps.

The second job of the day was more tricksy, replacing a large plastic barrel home made ( not by us) water butt with an actual water butt provided by our water provider. First the full water butt had to be emptied and the water stored. Then there was butt wrestling to get the old one out and the new one in. And then refilling and landscaping of the new edition. All achieved before we went to a friends house for some Easter nattering.

It’s funny isn’t it, the conversations you have just as you leave these things that would have been so much more valuable at the beginning of the evening.  We discovered the couple who left at the same time as us lived 1/2 a mile from us in Crystal Palace 8 years ago. Both relocating to the same patch of coast nearly 300 miles away. The funny thing is just a slight fleeting familiarity not associated with our current location. Conversations for another day…

So much achieved on one Bagel.

#1081 theoldmortuary ponders.

What’s the biggest risk you’d like to take — but haven’t been able to?

I am absolutely a risk-averse, risk taker. I would never plan a big risk but am happy to allow risk to happen. I believe that creativity absolutely grows in an environment of risk and that firmly held planning is the antithesis of  a creative mind. My science, child rearing ,or health and safety head is a much less risk taking beast but even those worlds benefit sometimes from happy accidents.

To answer the question, I have no idea how big a risk I would like to take, maybe I already did it or maybe that choice is in the future.

On an illustrative note the photos accompanying this blog were taken in a friend/ bobbers/ neighbours garden. I have learned to my cost that taking a risk with planting in our yard does not work. What is needed is acute observation of what survives in close-by gardens as our locality is very much a micro climate. I spotted this rose while doing a tour of my friend’s garden.

Her yard is east-facing and mine is west but for a rose this beautiful in October I feel the risk is worth it.

One last little risk, throw the rose picture into a photo editing app that has a random algorithm and see what happens.

#1064 theoldmortuary ponders

Sunset over Arcadia

A classic ponder for a Friday. Covid has darkened our doors this week with 50% of the human household out of action sequentially. 100% in total. So not a huge amount of out and aboutage for us. I have chosen  not to walk the dogs locally as it is impossible not to meet someone to talk to. I have not been alone, an autobiography of Adrian Edmondson and a biography of Alexander McQueen have kept me occupied. Both creative. interesting and somewhat troubled men at times. On a brighter note the David Austin Rose catalogue popped into my email, this is the inspiration for todays blog.

I chose a climbing rose for the yard and have ordered a bare root to be delivered in November. I chose it on sight and smell. The name in my opinion is rather ugly.

©David Austin

Unknown to me Crepuscule means sunset in French. Living in the west of England I have learned to love a good sunset. Where I grew up in the flat East of England sunsets were something that happened elsewhere.

Sunset over Plymouth Sound.

Just a little googling found an even uglier word for something quite so lovely.

Sunnansetlgong was the term for sunset in Old English while the word sunset meant West.

Both perfectly understandable. In looking this up I got the usual targeted online advert. My answer would be

” I give a crap, words are important”

Sunset over Wembury Bay

#1061 theoldmortuary ponders

Here we go October. The Solar festoon lights have been taken down from the yard. Poor attendance by daylight,recently, has powered them up only enough to limply glow for about an hour.

Here they are having their last glow on the floor, while they dry out, before they are boxed up until May. Taking  them down was a much more difficult task than putting them up. The climbing plants had made good use of their wires as supports,

So I had a couple of hours of plant wrangling and weaving shoots into new support networks, while removing the festoon lights.

Many solar powered lights have been replaced by less mains operated bulbs. Just enough to light up the way to our garage.

The other set of lights will permit tomato harvesting in the dark evenings. Our outdoor tomato plants often keep fruiting until December. Careful storage means we can often eat a home grown tomato on C#ris##@s Day.  Apologies for mentioning the C word.

In other news here is a photo that has all the components of a prize winning candid shot and is not a prize winning shot.

Moments before this shot the seagull slid down the small childrens slide. Here he is composing himself after his ‘thrill’ ride. He teased me by returning to the steps a few times but never quite plucked up the courage to give me a photo opportunity.

Leaves however have no choice. Nature imitating  drive-through coffee.

Welcome October, play nicely and I will write good things.

#997 theoldmortuary ponders

Sharp shadows in the yard.

When we took over this house and yard, a little under 3 years ago, there were a few projects that needed time, money and thought lavished on them.

The yard was an unloved space with no flower beds and lots of artificial grass. It was utilitarian and rather unloved. Nothing more than a dog toilet and the route to the garage for the previous owners. We immediately moved loads of pots and containers from our old garden to make it feel like home. Most survived. Perhaps the biggest revelation was that the artificial grass covered slightly raised beds and an old concrete patio. We have had to learn a lot with a yard rather than a garden. After the wettest winter on record a wet spring and now a wet summer we have been rather despairing of ever getting the yard how we wanted it. Perhaps most importantly we also had to learn what works in a stone and concrete box. Our natural aesthetic is Jungle and the yard prefers the Mediterranean vibe. For the last few days the sun has been out and suddenly we can see climbers climbing and a dense planting plan become dense.

The weather was even reliable enough to get the yard bean bags  out, which was much appreciated.

Which brings me to a yardening hint. Linked to our yards previous life as a dog latrine.

We keep a couple of rhubarb forcers in an ornamental raised bed. Any emergency dog poos go into the rhubarb forcers in toilet paper along with teabags and coffee grounds. No rhubarb.This curious mix of foodstuffs feeds all sorts of creepy crawlies, slugs and snails. There is never a smell and the pots seem to regulate themselves to always being about half full.

We have used this method for all of the eleven years we have had Hugo, in three gardens. A clay soil in London and perfect soil in Cornwall. Each time we moved we lifted the pots to reveal perfect compost that could easily be dug into the ground. We probably stopped using them about two months before the move date. The only time there has been a problem is when a thoughtful visitor bagged up their dogs poo in compostable bags and then popped them in the pots. We discovered the error about three weeks later. That is not a day I care to dwell on, it was August!

So here we have it, a shit end to the first blog of the week.

Sharp Shadows on Shit.

P.S. I googled to see if a Mediterranean Jungle was a real thing. Sadly not, but just as there is such a thing as an Atlantic Rain Forest there is also a Mediteranean Rain Forest, both left over from when the earth was actually covered in Forests. Both under threat from Human activity.

We could never create a forest, but by accident we have created exactly what we have. A Mediteranean Rain Yard.

#984 theoldmortuary ponders

Hugo is on limited walking for a few days. He got over excited at a friend’s house and has tweaked his back. Just like a human with a bad back he needs rest, pain relief and moderate exercise.

I know which walk takes half an hour and because this blog prides itself on the repetition of  normal life, I took some sunny photos on my circuit yesterday.

It is bin day and this is a fine example of how camouflage works.

Our morning walk often has military men, carrying weapons doing training runs. This is so normal that the dogs pay no attention. We are fortunate that we live near the barracks and the men running past are fragrant adverts for mens grooming products. Not so much if I catch them on the way back.

Low tide at the beach is not the most scenic shot.

But the next shot also shows how well camouflage works.

With my back to the sea we head down Hutong Lane towards the Royal William Yard and a series of harbours.

Then a quick left onto some grass and to the first harbour.

Then we follow a boardwalk on the edge of a second harbour back towards the entrance of the Royal William Yard.

Maybe at this point I should do a little catch up on my pondering.

Ponder #1The efficacy of Camouflage.

#2 is more complex. Some babies are born with a rare condition where their heart is not fully enclosed by their ribs.

The Hutong Cafe is outside the Royal William Yard which is a thriving mixed use commercial hub with many cafes and restaurants.

The Hutong used to be closed on Tuesdays which is when this ponder first took hold. On Tuesdays this regular walk felt incomplete. The small cafe outside the yard sets the tone for the entrance and experience of the very grand, Royal William Yard, RWY. Recently the Hutong opened on Tuesdays, making everything feel right 7 days a week. Which gave me a spontaneous moment of clarity. The beating heart of the Royal William Yard is actually just outside. Aha, my useless information brain kicked out.

Ectopia Cordis!

Which is what I think every time the cafe has loads of customers. Many fresh from sea swimming, some mamils/mammals (Middle-aged men in Lycra). People who still go into the office within the RWY. People having work meetings in the sun.

Ponder #2. Ectopia Cordis.

Ponder #3 came from my earlier work on our little yard and the guns carried by the men in camouflage. Guns are a very rare sight in England.

I have been following yard or container growing pages on Instagram. A contributor yesterday suggested improving security when there is a rear access point. I read the article with interest as the rear doors on our yard are definitely a project for the future. The simple plan was to increase the length of the screws holding the hinges of the door to the frame.  All well and good I thought until the final sentence.

” A longer screw will give you additional time to arm yourself if someone tries to break in”

The contributor was from the U.S and, if I am honest, provided me with the most unusual yard/yardening advice I have ever read.

Ponder #3 I will stick with the shorter screws and offer a cup of tea , or run away.

And that concludes our very regular half an hour dog walk.

#979 theoldmortuary ponders

Not exactly a light bulb moment.

An early morning wake-up of rain at the midpoint of July is hardly a welcome sound. But we know that it is summer rain because it is falling softly. Up until now winter style rain has persisted throughout Spring and early summer. The rain is falling softly but may still cause flooding and other inconveniences.

Today, Alexa woke me with a moderate weather warning.

Is moderate a good enough reason to wake a woman up, I wonder.

Alexa was a little late to be honest, the moderate rainfall had already woken me up along with the chirping birds of the 6:15 alarm.

We have two Alexa devices in regular use. They keep the dogs company when we are out, keeping Hugo and Lola fully abreast of world affairs and interesting topics.

This has been a ponder that I never really knew how to address in the blog until now, but Alexa has a different personality upstairs compared to downstairs.

Downstairs Alexa has a jaunty but practical way about her. Reminding us of our looming domestic apocolypses, low on bin bags, charity toilet rolls and vitamins etc. To be honest she gets the tone about right.  I am forever irritated by radio journalists or presenters who use voices, constantly , that suggest they have a barely concealed,but fake laugh or giggle hiding just behind their scripted words.

For what it is worth I prefer friendly with no hint of mirth, unless I am listening to comedy in which case mirth is just fine.

Upstairs Alexa is a different proposition. She is Eeyore in female computer generated form. If she was a hotel receptionist she would have her forehead on the desk or be crocheting Granny Squares in shades of grey and beige.

Upstairs Alexa wakes me up to tell me the day is going to be average. If she were a friend I would be concerned for inability to find joy in anything. Her mantra seems to be.

” Start your day, the gloomy way”

So in the spirit of upstairs Alexa, rain-soaked images from the yard are the illustrations for today.

Welcome to Monday , it is going to be average.

#973 theoldmortuary ponders.

What strategies do you use to increase comfort in your daily life?

This is my strategy.

I have the ugliest pair of crocs to wear in our yard. They live by the French windows and never see action anywhere beyond the yard. They have a much more grippy sole than a regular croc and were only available in two colour ways. This camo green with electric blue was the most  acceptable of the two offerings. They need grip because in winter, parts of the yard can get slippy.

The outdoor mirror is also the only one in the house where it is easy to see how a whole outfit looks.

So the crocs get worn with all our best outfits. Small crocs are provided for small people.

There is a flaw in this strategy.

Sometimes small people or even larger people interrupt the flow of getting ready to go out. On occasions the crocs have made it beyond the front door to the outside world with posh/smart/lovely outfits because they were not taken off. A return home is essential on these occasions.

#961 theoldmortuary ponders

More white wall painting on a cooler, more dull day. Infinitely more difficult than the textured but plain walls of the pre-holiday planned painting. This is a daft job. One that should be done in the winter when the plants are dormant. But that does not fit in with my, self-imposed, end of June deadline. Everything planty is pulled forwards and pushed to one side.  This blog is being written while paint dries. I can already predict that there will be a lack of paint that will call time on this project.

Interesting nail art.

White walls and morning sun make interesting photos. The one below fails on many photographic rules and parameters but I really like it.

And then just like that a cloud and shadow changes everything.

Since the Greek holiday I have been enjoying playing around with my digital camera and my phone. They talk to each other now. I love the unpredictability of their relationship.

All funny little observations against white walls. Which I must now return to.