Category: Yardening

#1347 theoldmortuary ponders

On By theoldmortuary.designIn Stonehouse Lawn Tennis Club, Yardening1 Comment
Prepping for the Yarden Party

A day of two food based parties.The first, a breakfast party with friends in our yard. Apart from photo opportunities all food for the yarden party had to be stored up high and cooked on the garage roof. The garage is half subterranean.  Stanley, a border terrier with a refined palate. Any food  on offer he is willing to refine, was one of our guests. Oh, how I thought I was a genius cooking on the roof of our half underground garage. Oh, how stupid could I be.  Stanley took an early swipe at a chocolate croissant. As I turned to have a very stern but polite word with Mr Stanley, Salty the Seagull swiped bacon from the grill. Salty was told, far more vigorously to clear off. I find swearing at seagulls does not offend . Swearing at a dog with an old chaps name just feels wrong, disrespectful even.

Party number two was a community garden party at the tennis club I help to run. A hugely joyful event with tea, cake, sunshine and wonderful live music.

No dogs allowed so food was safe in that regard. Plenty of seagulls but they were in a benign mood. All in all a hugely successful event enjoyed by everyone who attended. There was of course some moaning. The club, apparently is not the same as it used to be in some mythical  past when others were more involved with the running of it.  The moaners were, of course, treated with the same respect as Mr Stanley was given in the morning. But in truth a more vigorous response, as applied to the seagull stealing the morning bacon was deserved.

#1531 theoldmortuary ponders.

On By theoldmortuary.designIn Bobbing, Cornwall, Devils Point, Devon, Firestone Bay, Gardens and gardening, Plymouth, Stonehouse Lawn Tennis Club, Yardening1 Comment
Stonehouse Lawn Tennis Club Gardens

Gardening, Gig Rowing, Yardening, Gig Rowing. Saturday was the second day of the European Gig Racing Championships in Plymouth Sound. It was also Gardening Saturday at the Tennis Club I help to run. We could look up from our garden chores and watch gigs racing past our club.

While listening to classical guitar, from Walter who had swapped out his secateurs for something more beautiful.

The afternoon was Yardening time. Not by any stretch as exciting or colourful as the morning session. Some white wall painting and repotting of plants. But the entertainment was the same. This time watching the Gig racing on TV as we sought refuge from the sun.

The drone shots showing us what we know already.

That our tiny corner of Devon/Cornwall is rather lovely.

For regular readers and Bobbers, our normal bobbing area was one of the regular spots where race progression was filmed

Tranquility Bay.
Bobbers Steps behind the gigs.

I never managed to catch the tennis club on TV. That would have been a great drone shot especially as the gardens were freshly primped. A project for tomorrow. 

Link to small reel about the races.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/17goonYrSw/

#1528 theoldmortuary ponders

On By theoldmortuary.designIn YardeningLeave a comment

The Buddha was not in great shape. But if we rely on TK Maxx (TJMaxx in some countries) for providing our garden/yarden statuary then centuries of gently, ageing use, is not an option. Buddha was in a much worse state than the headless, armless,legless woman.

Buddha has a serious insect infestation. Most obvious in the hairline but essentially Buddha is a statue of multiple insect occupancy.

The armless, headless, legless woman really responded to her glow up. Buddha on the other hand took more work and my initial feelings were not as positive. I felt that the old paint and glitter combo made Buddha look a little podgy.

Thankfully it was just the bright sunshine. Returned to the normal position Buddha looked quite perky by the end of the day.

In other news , I used google lens on the headless, armless, legless woman.

She has a name …

Design Toscano Torso of Aphrodite of Melos Venus Statue

Or in fact the Venus de Milo, but without her head. Must be why I didn’t recognise her!

#1525 theoldmortuary ponders

On By theoldmortuary.designIn Serendipity, YardeningLeave a comment

All before and after projects should have before and after photographs.

But we didn’t know we were on any sort of before project until we were more than half way towards the after part.

The Heatwave has waved goodbye, leaving us with entirely normal weather. But our heads did not know the heatwave had departed so we were up at 5:30 am to start the day. So loads of jobs got done in the cool , then the heat didn’t arrive so then more jobs got done.

The Derek Jarman, Prospect  Cottage inspired outdoor loo and yard storage.

The Yolk Yellow door got its door furniture and all the benches got a lick of paint.The patio was scrubbed.

And a very old lady got a paint job.

The headless, legless, armless lady has been with us for many years. She came from TK Maxx (TJ Maxx in some places) For about ten years she remained pristine. But after that she lost her lustre and has required a paint job every few years. She has been blue and gold and versions of her original  stone. Today, because her glow up was unplanned she got some rather old black exterior paint that I enhanced with twinkle graffiti spray paint that I had left over from an art project from quite a few years ago. I think this might be her most magnificent iteration. She looks as if she has been carved from a Bible Black coalface.

If only I had known she was going to get a glow up today I would have taken a before picture.

She was really pretty grotty. Faded and peeling and inhabited by spiders and bugs and all manner of creepy crawlies. She has scrubbed up well!

Although between coats of paint an intrepid spider crawled out from wherever he has been hiding and cast a web between her buttocks. The glitter spray made the whole thing quite gothic for a moment.

Living her best nightlife with fellow survivors and repurposed items, the head injury Buddha and the wonky watering can.

#1518 theoldmortuary ponders

On By theoldmortuary.designIn Serendipity, YardeningLeave a comment

Summer’s here and I have become The Grumpy Urban Cat Abhorring Lady.

Oh how I dislike the urban cat. The Shitter in my plant pots. The Pisser on my garden chairs. The ever present observation from high places. The disupters of my dog. The fragrance of your ever available testosterone- boosted tom cat urine.

Small blog, big feelings.

  • Why do I find urban cats abhorrent? Because we are trying to teach a three year old not to use the word hate. I am  being creative with my use of words.

#1453 theoldmortuary ponders.

On By theoldmortuary.designIn Holidays, Serendipity, Yardening1 Comment

And after the holiday comes the washing pile.

Which I inadvertently added to by having a chocolate croissant dipped in my coffee while writing yesterday’s blog in bed. Coffee and croissant all over me and the bed. If the blog was a paper diary yesterdays page would be the colour of old parchment and the ink would be indistinct. In yesterdays blog I said I shared a birthday with the first use of a lighthouse on the Eddystone Rocks. 14th November 1698. If that were really true I would be writing on old parchment.

Anyway back to the holiday plus washing. Thankfully Stonehouse did not get the memo that the heatwave was over. The yard was still capable of drying washing yesterday long after the sun had set.

There has been only one major yardening crisis whilst we were away. Our lavender tree has curled up his fragrant toes and died, draping himself dramatically over a stoic Olive tree. Jobs for next week I think.

#1404 theoldmortuary ponders.

On By theoldmortuary.designIn weather, YardeningLeave a comment
Drying Washing in the Yard 2025 ©theoldmortuary

We have not yet hit the giddy heights of drying washing in under two hours, as we can easily do in the Summer months. But in just under a week our washing lines have gone from support for our festive winter lights to drying an enormous load in eight hours.

The progress in our yard in one week is madness. We have gone from rain every day since Christmas to no rain for 10 days.

We were definitely late to start yardening jobs this year. 10 days of dry weather has kicked our yardening backsides. There have been some winter casualties, drownings mostly. All consigned to compost over the last weekend. One miraculous recovery.

We have had a Palm tree for about 10 years, he has moved, in a pot, from London to Cornwall and now Devon. 10 years in survival mode, never really thriving but surviving in a pretty lacklustre way. He was planted in a raised bed two or three years ago and just sat there, moodily surviving, not really bothering to make roots or friends with any other nearby plants.

Over the weekend I cleared the debris from an unplanned Pampas Grass . Hiding under the fringes of the Pampas was a glorious and vigorous palm tree. Solidly rooted into the ground and probably a foot taller than when I last saw him. There is no horticulural logic to this. He has been living in a bog for the last 6 months, his only source of nutrients is our dog poo, coffee grounds hygienic/organic dog poo disposal system.

Further tidying up will prepare him, for the first time, for some proud yardening  photos. Not something I ever imagined doing.

#1401 theoldmortuary ponders

On By theoldmortuary.designIn Serendipity, Yardening1 Comment

Another blog hijacked by a chicken. See previous blog .

#1387 theoldmortuary ponders

Janner must have told Argyle there were rich pickings in our yard and that scaling the expensive fence extension that we built was a world of wonder .

Argyle researched her great escape earlier in the week.

What Janner had failed to mention to Argyle, was Lola.

I can’t add much to fill a whole blog. Lola buried her face in Argyle’s ample bottom. Our neighbour came round to collect his chicken and not much more can be done. Our wall extender is as high as it can be legally. Only the climbing plants can ‘accidentally’ increase the defensive barrier. Only steroids would make them grow faster.

The sun and a hill are not on our side.The sun arcs across the sea to the south of our East/ West yard. All the tender young shoots of the climbing plants turn their faces to the sun and grow towards our neighbours yard.  Delicious nibbles for adventurous chickens have been available since early April. On the chicken side our eight foot wall/fence combo is only about 4 feet high. The massive  18 inch,thick stone wall is an easy chicken hop from their much higher ground level.  It was also an easy bunny hop but the large lop eared Dutch rabbit that hopped avoided capture by our dogs and made good its escape  across our subterranean garage and was never seen again.

Only yesterday I was congratulating myself that the wall extension and climbing plants were at last providing greater privacy in our yard. The secondary consideration beyond livestock control. Pride came before chicken invasion.

I sense a sketch might make this all the more understandable. Top to bottom our yard probably drops about 10 to 12 feet.

Looking South from our French Windows. Chicken not to scale.

#1400 theoldmortuary ponders.

On By theoldmortuary.designIn Pandemic ponderings, Yardening1 Comment

When is a back yard like a nightclub?

In April after a long wet winter.

I had thought my tinkering in the yard yesterday would amount to no real  aesthetic improvement. In daylight I would say that is definitely the case. But last night with the winter lights taken off the washing line, and hung amongst the greenery of climbing plants things did not look too shabby.

The mildew covered slabs just have a bit of unwanted texture that only consistent  sunlight and a good scrub will remedy. Not unlike the sticky carpets of nightclubs and pubs.

I have always liked places of the night. I was an early adopter of going to nightclubs, and knew with first hand experience at my grandparents pub, what the morning after the night before looked and smelled like. All this when smoking indoors in public places was entirely normal.

The morning after the night before in my yard has filled me with horror.

Just before writing this I was googling how to trim Pampas grass. We were sold a tiny one in error about 3 years ago. Over this last wet winter it has thrived and looks like a monster in the small raised bed where it was planted with the other intentional small grasses.

Suddenly there is a time limit to a big yardening endeavour.

“Typically before April”

Already and unknowingly I am on the back foot. There are also no signs that our Pampas has done any dying back during our wet winter.

That is going to be a very dull blog some time next week.

The next google might be, how to dig up a Pampas once it has been trimmed.

#1400 is a big number. #1400 is the number of blogs since I moved on from #Pandemicponderings the original daily blog that recorded the Covid-19 experience. I never intended to be a long term daily blogger. I was just caught between a first blogging course and the follow up which was greatly delayed by Covid-19 restrictions.

So from the drama of Covid-19 to the mundanity of daily life. I turn up here most days and some days not a lot happens.

©thealphawomen club

A lesson worth learning I think.

#1394 theoldmortuary ponders

On By theoldmortuary.designIn Books, Film, Yardening1 Comment
Crepuscule in the Royal Botanic Gardens, Sydney.

‘A rose by any other name would smell as sweet’

Crepuscule is a bare root rose that I planted last year. I thought the name was clunky and ugly until I learned that Crepuscule was a French word for sunset. 

While I was away in December my bare root rose decided to put out her first ever flower.

I was both thrilled and concerned. What is beautifully acceptable in the early summer in Sydney is not the norm in a wintery Stonehouse. She also has a very high standard set by her Australian Cousin.

A new found love of growing roses brings with it some tough decisions. My bare root rose should be concentrating on growing roots not blooms. The secateurs were deployed to Crepuscules first efforts at budding and blooming. A Tragedy, some might say.

Which leads me tortuously to last nights outing to see the film Hamnet. On the day that awards and accolades have started tumbling in from the Red Carpet Film and T.V Awards Season.

I don’t often go to films of books that I have read that don’t seem to naturally lend themselves to a Screenplay. Hamnet was just such a book. Deeply enjoyable and dense but a bit of a tricksy read in parts. I couldn’t quite see how a screenplay could replicate my reading experience.

I shouldn’t have worried, Chloe Zhao the screenwriter and Maggie O’Farrell the original author and now co-screen writer did a brilliant job . Pruning and distilling the original text into something that worked brilliantly for me on screen.

Most times I put books and films of books into different filing systems.

Hamnet joins Perfume by Patrick Suskind as a film that I regard as accomplished as the original Novel. I imagine it works just as well for those who have not read the book.

Pruning and distilling at its best.