Who would you like to talk to soon?

Part 2 the blog I would have written if I hadn’t written Part 1.

#1299 theoldmortuary ponders. Part 1.

It would be great to have a natter with my Dad. But as he has been in another realm for 30 years, I would have to say that if I can postpone that natter for as long as possible, I would be very grateful . Especially as we would then be in a position of having an eternity of nattering, perhaps.

I have been having a bit of survivor guilt recently,having outlived both my parents by 4 years. I am probably unrecognisable from the 36 year old they left behind so that would be quite the big subject. I feel guilty because they were never able to be the grandparents they could have been due to ill health and caring responsibilities.. I am lucky enough to be a Nana to 3 delightful granddaughters.It is such a life enhancing role. I am sad that both my parents and children missed out on knowing each other well. My own grandparents born in 1888 and 1898, part of the ‘lost’ generation who had survived two world wars, were never as thrilled to be with me as I am with my small people. As long as I was quiet and with my head in a book they were content to let me be. My other female grandparent was born in the First World War and was a busy businesswoman by the time she was my grandparent. She dropped into my life as an infrequent but glamorous visitor exuding American-style glamour and smelling of perfume, cigarettes and gin and tonic evenings. A heady mix in rural Essex. Also hardly the sort of grandparent required in the 2020’s.. I don’t think bonding  and building a relationship with me was a priority  for them.

But their children, my parents, would have been fabulous grandparents if they had had the chance.

So like much of my adult life I have to make ‘grandparenting’ up as I go along. I must say I find it all rather lovely, hence the survivors guilt and the desire for that conversation, but not any time soon.