Come up with a crazy business idea.

Does anyone dream up a crazy business idea? Surely the idea is dreamed up, fetishised and developed; delivered to the public and then slowly reveals itself to be the crazy idea that it always was and fails. Business has never truly tempted me. There is something missing in my brain that wouldn’t put profit ahead of people. Creatively I could dream up all sorts of wonderful ‘ businesses’ but putting my thoughts into productive, profitable action would be my failure point.

From the age of 14 to 20 I worked for an entrepreneur/ shopkeeping family while I was at school and studying. The family ran several shops and a cafe in two local towns. In 6 years I sold everything from maggots to illegal porn. I ran a fast food cafe for 6 weeks when I could barely fry an egg and worked in a boutique and sports shop where the customers were the beautiful people and my acne embellished face made me want to wear the paper bags we wrapped the purchases in.

I learnt more than I ever imagined was possible about the vivid life of small-town retail. The family were a caricature of family business. There was a matriarch. A diminutive Glaswegian woman with a failing bladder. She ran the business in a fog of cigarette smoke and floral perfumes that failed to completely cover the fragrance of a failing bladder. Her only son was pale and busy, constantly moving and doing everything. He had a large and beautiful wife whose place in the business I never quite fathomed. I rather suspect she was the backbone of the whole thing. Between them they had produced two large and less beautiful daughters who considered themselves to be small town princesses. The companies staff were loyal and libidinous. As an observer and competent member of staff my six years were fascinating and varied. I had worked in every corner of their empire. When it was time to leave and move to London they dangled the carrot of a management training scheme. All graduates got that moment in the office. A few succumbed to the fear of leaving small town life coupled with the anxiety that comes with a useless degree. My head knew it was time to leave the giddy excesses of small town retail. I had learned enough to never dream up a crazy business idea ever!

Researching this blog I discovered that the company existed for 70 years and closed in 2008. Well done to them.