Yesterday, as usual, the plates in my internal dialogue were spinning.

Is there chatter inside your head? Or is it relatively quiet there? There has recently been a conversation in the media, that I have been aware of, about how busy human heads are. Some people have a chatty internal monologue that narrates their life, while others have a quiet, serene inner landscape. The folks with the internal monologue simply cannot imagine not having one — and vice versa.

My head is a busy, busy space. Now I no longer work for an organisation, it is randomly busy constantly.

I have synesthesia. My thinking and doing processes are not quite the same as other people.

Learning new and difficult skills gently eases the vivid fairground that my internal monologue resembles. Conforming to standard thinking for the benefit of learning, set by others quiets my mind. It was hard as a small person to adhere to the thinking processes of external forces but by the age of ten I had pretty much learned that life was a lot easier that way.

Life as a semi-retired person whose only work is Life, Art and using my transferable skills,does not involve some of the things I struggle with most. Struggling was actually good for me.

I have never quite managed to quit the Fairground for the things on the list below. I pretended to with limited success. I may have fooled others but I knew I was just pretending.

1. Advanced Maths.

2. The Harvard referencing system

3. Foreign languages

4. Colour by numbers paintings.

5. Following instructions.

There are many other things that I struggle with but deferring to my synesthesia, inexplicably, helps me seem competent.

This means that these days my head is much more Fairground than Zen Garden. Because it can be. Leaving my fully creative head at the age of tenish was an entirely pragmatic and practical way to proceed into adulthood. Easing my way back, more fully into my creative head at 60 has been an absolute pleasure. I know that I can function outside the Fairground but the Fairground is a more fertile place for me. Life has given me the tools I need to slip into the Zen Garden. I am grateful to have the choice.

P.S Going into an actual Fairground scares the pants off me. Way, way too stimulating. Entering a Zen space however is absolute pleasure. My internal monologue and real life sit happily at odds with one another.

This blog was inspired by a conversation I had in a choir last night and a conversation when I was mature student studying art.

“Isn’t it great to be yourself again when you work less” ✓

” Synesthesia ? You must love Kandinsy” X

Below is a link that gives some insight into how synesthesia affected Kandinsy.

https://www.denverartmuseum.org/en/blog/wassily-kandinskys-symphony-colors

I realise that it really is great to be able to think more like myself now I work less. But because I understand my own Fairground better with age it doesn’t necessarily help me to decode Kandinsky and his Fairground. He may not have had a fairground!

Will someone ever write a learned article about me mentally singing Gaudette and painting a Christmas bauble that looks like a blackberry.

I think not! Link below to the definitive Gaudette

Sunrise, a flat tide and good weather is one of my favourite things to photograph. It starts the day well. I pulled this one out of my archive. The last few days have been dull and very wet. Thank goodness for sequins and festive-season appropriate clothes.

If the weather outside is Frightful

But my sequins are delightful

I will glow, I will glow, I will glow.

I discovered lurex when I was about 5 and performing in a ballet school performance. Wearing twinkly fabric became a secret passion. I am drawn to anything with a bit of twink or metallic embellishments. The clothes of the disco era made my life complete. If I had an ounce of entertaining talent the world of show business would be my twinkling oyster.

Failing that being a host or bar staff at a glamorous gay club would be the perfect career choice. Every day is a sequin day. Drag Queen, for obvious reasons, is an unobtainable goal. I am already a woman, no strapping required.

As things stand in the real world December is my month to shine.

I have a tiny twinkling capsule wardrobe. Four items that can add pizzazz to the day plus a vintage fake tiger fur jacket.

December gives me a pass to sparkle on a daily basis. Doing every day things wearing a little bit of twinkle lifts the spirits . Dog walk in a sequin skirt, obviously I am just walking the dogs before a lunch date. Cryptic black T-shirt how normcore is that?

Maybe this is the point to remember Shane McGowan of The Pogues.

Fairytale of New York

It was Christmas Eve, babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, “Won’t see another one”
And then he sang a song
“The Rare Old Mountain Dew”
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you
Got on a lucky one
Came in 18 to one
I’ve got a feeling
This year’s for me and you
So happy Christmas
I love you, baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true
They’ve got cars big as bars, they’ve got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you, it’s no place for the old
When you first took my hand on a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me Broadway was waiting for me
You were handsome
You were pretty, Queen of New York City
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging, all the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner then danced through the night
The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing “Galway Bay”
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day
You’re a bum, you’re a punk
You’re an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it’s our last
The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing “Galway Bay”
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day
I could have been someone
Well, so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me, babe
I put them with my own
Can’t make it all alone
I’ve built my dreams around you
The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing “Galway Bay”
And the bells are ringing out
For Christmas day

Not all contemporary Christmas music is money-making goop. Link below.

Appropriately dressed for December.

#blingblog

What lies beneath?

Tranquility Bay was not too tranquil at the surface yesterday , but what goes on beneath? The National Marine Aquarium, in Plymouth is featured in a T.V programme. Our watery neighbours serendipitously revealed on television.

Secrets of The Aquarium

There is a tank dedicated to the waters of Plymouth Sound so it is possible to see who else is in the water when we bob.

We never see Starfish unless a deceased one washes up on the beach but we do see and occasionally feel the remnants of jelly fish.

There is something peaceful about these bobbing neighbours of ours. They quietly go about their day while the bobbers excitedly swim about just above their watery realm. We tend to imagine bigger more troublesome things. The trouble is, of course, more in our imagination than in reality. We invade their world noisily and with a lot of splashing, quietly observed by sea creatures going about their lives with far less fuss.